Mumsnet Gate: When is it ever appropriate to ask for a bigger wedding present gift? (The answer is NEVER EVER EVER)

So if you haven’t heard about the Mumsnet story, here it is in a nutshell: there was once an extremely generous wedding guest who sent a cheque of £100 to the bride and groom (the bride was an ex-colleague), and instead of being thanked for her incredible generosity, instead she received very craftily worded email asking her to reconsider, i.e. increase (I repeat INCREASE) her gift: 

We were surprised that your contribution didn’t seem to match the warmth of your good wishes on our big day. In view of your own position, if you wanted to send any adjustment it would be thankfully received

Full Mumsnet story here

OH…MY…GOD! If ever there was bridezilla behaviour, this is it, with bells on. How dare this person. I actually thought it was a joke and am shocked and quite saddened that people like this actually exist.

I’m still a little torn on the whole wedding gift thing, but FYI if anyone wants to come to our wedding and gift £100 please go right ahead. I may contact you and just double check you meant to put that extra zero on, and didn’t make a mistake and mean to put £10, but as for asking them to go higher? WHAT??

I don’t know what sort of wedding this was, but for most people I’ve ever met in my 31 years on this planet, a wedding gift of £100 for an ex-colleague who is not a particularly close friend is beyond generous. There are lots of factors that will influence how much we all spend on someone’s wedding gift list, but I strongly feel this is a highly personal choice. It not only depends on your relationship with that person but also your financial situation, which is frankly is no-one else’s business. 

My thoughts: I would never dream of hitting up my most wealthy acquaintances and ask them to increase their gift. In the same way that I don’t invite them out to dinner and send the bill down to their end of the table.

You could argue that, nowadays, wedding lists are slightly odd anyway. Obviously back in the day they helped couples who had never lived together start a new life and new home. (For couples doing the same in the present day, good for you too). However, for a lot of people (like Mr DTE and I) who have lived together for years before getting married, gift lists can turn into wish lists – I’ve seen plasma TVs, luxury coffee machines, diamond-encrusted champagne flutes and other such highly essential items. Let’s all take a step back here hey…

Screen Shot 2016-05-11 at 21.55.16
Sure, zap it onto the list

Then there’s the option of going ‘off list’, which personally I think is a lovely touch, however I do see a look on the bride and groom’s faces which says:

‘We gave you a list. WE GAVE YOU A LIST’


So overall the whole thing is pretty odd really isn’t it. If Mr DTE and I were rolling in money we would say ‘please don’t worry at all about presents, spend the money on yourselves instead’. But we’re not…and we didn’t. We have set up a list on Thankful Registry (which I would highly recommend) so that, if guests want to, they can contribute to our honeymoon. In a very non-forceful way. We’ve forked out a lot in the past for other weddings, so if people want to return the favour then, well, wonderful. If not, then wonderful too. I would never, I repeat NEVER, dare to send them anything like this horrible offensive email. Shame on them. If you know them, put them on a long train journey with nothing but a laptop and this blog for company.

And don’t even get me started on baby shower gift lists….


Have a good end to your week, bridelings. You are all wonderful and I love hearing from you so let me know your thoughts, yo!

Jojo x 

Yes - DTE bride on her own


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I'm a 32 year-old newlywed bride, living in London. I recently got married (July 2016) and am here to spread wedding joy and worldly wedding advice to fellow bridelings who don't want their weddings to take over their lives. Let's laugh (nervously) in the face of bonkers wedding planning!

3 thoughts on “Mumsnet Gate: When is it ever appropriate to ask for a bigger wedding present gift? (The answer is NEVER EVER EVER)

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